After 20 years of working with people, families, and communities, I’ve learned that healing is not always about fixing what happened.
Sometimes, healing is about learning what you no longer need to carry.
As we enter October, I invite you to pause and reset—not by becoming a different person, but by returning to yourself.
Choose peace over revenge.
Not because what happened was acceptable, but because your peace is worth protecting.
Accept what happened without allowing it to become your identity.
Your past may explain parts of your story, but it does not have to determine your future.
Pay attention to patterns, not promises.
In relationships, consistency often tells us more than apologies ever can.
Stop reopening doors that you worked so hard to close.
Not every door needs to be opened again simply because someone knocks.Choose relationships where you are valued without having to chase, convince, or prove your worth.
Remember that forgiveness and distance can coexist.
Forgiving someone does not mean giving them the same access to your life.
Set boundaries without guilt.
Boundaries are not punishment. They are one way we communicate what is healthy and safe for us.
Stop carrying responsibilities that were never yours to carry.
You can care about someone without taking responsibility for their choices, healing, or happiness.
Protect your emotional energy.
You don’t have to feel guilty for choosing what brings you peace.
And if you need to begin again—begin.
There is no shame in changing direction, asking for help, leaving something behind, or starting over.
After two decades in this field, one thing I know for certain is this:
Healing rarely happens all at once. It happens through the small choices we make every day to treat ourselves with more compassion.
And perhaps the most important reminder for October:
Be kind.
You never know what someone is carrying behind the version of themselves they show the world.
As a psychologist, and through the work we do at Care for Albania, I have seen how much can change when people are given the space to feel heard, supported, and valued.
This October, don’t just ask yourself, “What do I need to change?”
Ask yourself, “What do I need to release so I can finally breathe a little more freely?”
Autor: Sonila Sejdaras
Dr. Sonila Sejdaras është një psikologe klinike e shquar, life coach dhe filantrope, e njohur për ekspertizën e saj në një mori problemesh psikologjike. Lindur në Shqipëri, ajo emigroi me guxim në Amerikë në vitin 1999, duke lënë familjen pas për të ndjekur arsimin e lartë. Udhëtimi i saj nga Shqipëria në Amerikë e ka formuar si një profesioniste reziliente dhe e dhembshur, e përkushtuar për t'i ndihmuar të tjerët të përballen me sfidat e tyre të shëndetit mendor. Dr. Sejdaras kërkohet shumë për kuptimin e saj të thellë të ankthit në punë, perfeksionizmit, traumës, varësisë, ankthit social, sulmeve paniku, depresionit dhe vetë-mëshirës. Ajo ka një aftësi unike për të ndihmuar profesionistët e ankthshëm, duke u ofruar atyre mjete të thjeshta por efektive për të lehtësuar ankthin e tyre dhe për të arritur një ekuilibër harmonik mes punës dhe jetës. Me mbi dy dekada përvojë, Dr. Sejdaras ka shërbyer në numër të konsiderueshëm spitalesh psikiatrike të shtruar dhe klinikash të shëndetit mendor ambulator në të gjithë SHBA-në. Aktualisht, ajo drejton Sejdaras Psy.D & Associates, një praktikë private grupore, ku bashkëpunon me një ekip psikologësh dhe terapistë të nderuar.
